A Fire Within

   I killed it at the gym today! The elliptical trainer has become my obsession. When I get on it and begin to run, it's like I get lost within myself. Usually I turn the TV on and find something to distract my attention from the clock that is counting down the seconds left on my daily work out, but not today. Today is a different beast. As I run today, one of the greatest men I ever knew is dieing. He lays upon his death bed and struggles with each drawing breath. So today I turned the music on and I focused on my reflection on the blank television screen. I stare at face that is struggling within with her thoughts and memories. I don't look away. I stare into my own eyes, my own soul. My speed increases and I can feel the thumping of my heart intensify. I can hear the thumps grow louder and louder. I am crying on the inside, while the sweat drops from my brow. I don't even pause to wipe it away. I think of this man so dear to me. Does he hear his heart thump? Is it growing louder and louder for him as well? Is he crying on the inside, unable to express his pain? My focus is intense and I noticed my reflection once again and as if I see another person I half way smile. I see the sterness and determination upon my face. Today is very different. I've reached deep down to somewhere inside of me that I didn't even know existed. I stand face to face with what I can only describe as a warrior. There are some young guys there today and they draw my attention for only a moment. One says to the other " Look at that big girl over there. She's running like somethings chasing her!" I return to my reflection and smile again. That's right. You're impressed. You won't say that but I know you are. You didn't think a big girl like me could keep this pace for so long, did you? Neither did I at one time.  I notice my time and distance. I'm running a mile every 13 to 14 minutes. I've not even so much as paused a single moment. Driven! Unstoppable! Fearless! The music is playing but I'm really not even listening. It's initial purpose was only to drown out my thoughts of what was sure to come later in the day. Just then I do hear a moment of a song. "Click Click Boom" and then back to the chaos within. I hear my breath sounds become more labored , almost panting and again the thump of my heart. I can feel the pain from pushing my limits but onward I press. As my body diligently works to keep up with my ever increasing pace I become very aware of what my loved one is unable to do. I want to scream. I am screaming on the inside but on the outside I am focused and unwavering. I notice that there are several people standing near me now and as I realize they are watching me I begin to slow. Then I hear the voice of one of the class instructors from behind, " Push yourself ! Finish. Don't quit now!" I picked up the speed determined to finish strong! And that I did. I finished in the name of my loved one that couldn't, and will never be able to again for his time here is over. For the first time today I found myself looking at someone that I really wanted to know- ME! The work out is done and I check the distance. 5 miles in an hour ain't to shabby. I found a glimpse of myself today and Friends I like what I see. There is nothing like a little fire within to fuel your purpose. Find your fire and see where it takes you!