Ghosts from the past

OK I know that it has been a while since I last checked in. I've been going through some emotional stuff and I did what I do best. I was has hiding- from myself and from everything else. See that is what I do! I seclude myself or shut everyone out. I used to also stuff my face with whatever sinful treat I could find but thank goodness I no longer inflict that pain upon myself! Baby steps right? During this self inflicted solitude I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with a couple of friends from my long ago youth. You know how "they" say your past always comes back to haunt you? Well my friend that is the gospel truth! But ghosts from the past don't have to be a bad thing. They remind you who you once were and what you really wanted out of life before your vision became clouded with complications. Trust me at 18 I thought I knew exactly where I'd be standing at 34. HA! Let me say that again- Ha! No where near my pristine vision of what my future held! Sad really when you think about it! However misguided I may have been in the expectation of what life was to be, somewhere along the way I lost sight of simply who I was. I mean eventually we all become someone's mom or someone's dad and we get lost in the chaos we call life. I mean think about it... Who are you if you aren't so and so's parent or so and so's wife/ husband? It's like society forgets you were given a name at birth. But ghosts from the past don't have to be a bad thing or a reminder of endeavors that failed. Sometimes they are just what you need to push forward in the game of life. One of these friends reminded me of the difference I make to those around me despite my imperfections and that it was time for me to check out of the Pity Party Hotel and get back to life. So what, I'm not a size 8 - neither is half the women on the planet! A perfect silhouette does not guarantee anything in life- not success, not financial fortune, not love, and certainly not peace of mind. So what, I don't have that life long companion that is supposed to "complete" me! I don't want to be completed thank you. I would much rather have an addition to my already superb completeness. I will find that addition or rather it will find me one day but today is not that day. Today is about ME! Yes I said it, you heard me correctly! It is all about ME. Those of you that know me realize how hard that statement is for me. Really! Who makes the absurd rules about what happiness is? Is it "they"? Well "they" can shove it. I'm not buying into that anymore. The other friend helped to remind me of my inner strength how important it is that I be a positive example of that for my three angels! To teach them that life is not without obstacles. It's gives you plenty of time and opportunity to learn to overcome those obstacles with grace and dignity. To teach them that they deserve no less than the absolute best. Who sets out in life to settle? Not me and I am quite sure you didn't either, so don't! I had to really assess myself with honesty and complete truth. Why do I seem to choose the same destructive path time and time again? Who am I really? Well, honestly, I just don't know anymore. So here is what I purpose.... I'm going to throw away the past mistakes and disappointments. Not forget them but rather leave them where they belong. I can't change them so I will set them down and push forward. I am going to start a new day, a new tomorrow, a new forever! How about you my friend? Where will your new forever begin?